Toddler Tantrums: Why They Happen and What to Do at Each Age

Published 4 June 2026 · Updated 16 October 2026 · By Gymbo, Lead Teacher at Gymboree Play & Music Dubai

In short: Toddler tantrums are a normal part of development. They're most common between ages 1 and 3 and usually ease after 3. They happen when a feeling is bigger than a toddler's words or self-control. Stay calm, keep everyone safe, name the feeling, hold the limit, and prevent the next one by planning around hunger, tiredness and transitions.

The banana broke in half. The cup is the wrong colour, even though it's the same cup as yesterday. Or it's the supermarket floor, with a queue of strangers watching.

Toddler tantrums can leave you drained, embarrassed and wondering what you did wrong. Usually, you did nothing wrong. Your toddler is feeling something huge and doesn't yet have the words or the brakes to handle it. This guide covers why tantrums happen, exactly what to do in the moment at each age, how to have fewer of them, and when to ask your paediatrician for advice.

Why do toddlers have tantrums?

Toddlers have tantrums because their feelings arrive long before the skills to manage them. They want independence, but they can't yet wait, reason or explain what's wrong.

ZERO TO THREE, a US early childhood organisation, explains that "toddlers do not understand logic and still have a hard time with waiting and self-control." Challenging behaviour "usually means that the child can't figure out how to express their feelings in an acceptable way."

Common triggers include:

• Tiredness or hunger. The NHS names both as frequent causes.
• Not being understood. Toddlers want to express themselves but find it hard.
• Transitions. Leaving the park, stopping a game, getting into the car seat.
• Too much going on. Noise, crowds and a busy day can tip a toddler over. Our guide to low-stimulation play has ideas for calmer days.
• Being told "no". A toddler's day is full of limits they don't understand yet.
• Frustration or jealousy, for example when another child has the toy they wanted.

Are tantrums normal at this age?

Yes. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says "tantrums are a normal part of development," most common between ages 1 and 3, and they "do tend to get better after the age of 3." The NHS says that by age 4, tantrums are far less common.

Some children have bigger, louder tantrums than others. The AAP notes that personality shapes how intense they are. A child with strong feelings isn't a "difficult" child, and a tantrum isn't proof that you're failing as a parent.

What to do during a toddler tantrum

The goal in the moment is to keep everyone safe and help your child calm down, not to win the argument. These steps work for most toddlers.

1. Keep everyone safe. Move your child away from roads, hard edges or other children. If they're in danger, pick them up and hold them firmly.
2. Stay calm yourself. ZERO TO THREE calls this "one of the most important things you can do." Breathe out slowly, lower your voice and get down to their level. Your calm is what your child borrows.
3. Say less. A toddler mid-tantrum can't take in a speech. Name the feeling in a few words: "You're cross. You wanted to stay."
4. Hold the limit. Don't give in to end the tantrum. The NHS warns that this shows your child that tantrums work.
5. Stay close and wait. Some children want a cuddle; others need a little space with you nearby. Let the wave pass.
6. Reconnect afterwards. Offer a hug and a simple next step: "Let's get your shoes on together." Skip the lecture. ZERO TO THREE says shaming a child for behaviour they can't yet control "will only feel worse," and forced apologies don't help much at this age.

Tantrums by age: what helps most

What works changes as your toddler's language and understanding grow. Use this as a rough guide; your own child's stage matters more than their birthday.

12–18 months: distract and comfort

At this age, your toddler understands far more than they can say, and they can't hold a thought for long. That makes distraction your best tool. The NHS suggests that if you think a tantrum is starting, you "find something to distract them with straight away." Point to a bird, hand over a different toy, or move to another room.

18 months to 2 years: name it and offer choices

Your toddler wants to do things alone and gets furious when they can't. The AAP suggests giving "control over little things" and offering small choices rather than yes/no questions. "Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?" works better than "Do you want a drink?"

"First… then…" helps with transitions: "First shoes, then we go to the park."

2–3 years: plan for transitions

This is when many families see the most tantrums. Give a warning before change ("Two more slides, then home"), or use a song as a timer: "We'll tidy up when this song ends."

Notice and praise calm moments. The AAP calls it catching them being good: "You waited for your turn on the slide. That was patient."

3–4 years: talk it through later

Your child now has more words, so you can talk about big feelings once everyone is calm. Read a book about feelings, or practise what to do when angry: squeezing a cushion, stamping feet, or coming for a hug.

What about hitting, biting and throwing?

Don't ignore them. The AAP says: "Do not ignore behaviors like hitting, kicking, biting, or throwing." Stop the behaviour straight away, calmly move your child out of the situation and make it clear it isn't okay.

Then show them what they can do instead. ZERO TO THREE suggests offering an alternative, such as throwing soft balls into a basket instead of throwing blocks.

How can I prevent tantrums?

You can't prevent every tantrum, but you can have fewer of them. Most prevention is about meeting needs before they boil over.

• Carry a snack. The AAP suggests a healthy snack when you're out if hunger is a trigger.
• Protect sleep. The AAP advises putting naps first, "even if you miss things."
• Be consistent. The AAP says consistency from day to day "is key in reducing the level and frequency of tantrums."
• Give warnings before change, and let your toddler help with small jobs.
• Choose your battles. If it's safe and it doesn't matter, let them wear the mismatched socks.
• Plan time to move. Many parents find their toddler is calmer and sleeps better after a good run-around, and it's a lot easier in an air-conditioned space during Dubai's hot months.

Dealing with tantrums in public

Public tantrums feel worse because of the audience. The NHS advises ignoring the looks around you and concentrating on staying calm.

Keep shopping trips short, go when your toddler has eaten and slept, and give them a job, like holding the bananas or spotting something yellow. If a tantrum starts, move somewhere quieter if you can and follow the same steps as at home. The other parents in the mall have almost certainly been there too.

When should I worry about toddler tantrums?

Most tantrums are a normal phase. Talk to your paediatrician if you're concerned, or if any of these apply, based on guidance from the University of Rochester Medical Center:

• Tantrums are severe, last a long time or happen very often.
• Your child has a lot of trouble talking and can't let you know what they need.
• Your child seems to have trouble understanding simple instructions.
• Tantrums continue or get worse after age 3 to 4.
• Your child hurts themselves or others during tantrums.
• Your child seems unwell, or holds their breath until they faint.

If speech seems to be part of the problem, our guide is my toddler behind? covers the milestones to check.

How group play helps toddlers practise big feelings

Toddlers practise handling feelings through repeated, everyday experiences with other children. Waiting for the parachute to go up, taking a turn on the slide or hearing the goodbye song that means class is ending are all small, safe chances to practise.

Harvard's Center on the Developing Child recommends song games where children start and stop, or speed up and slow down, for 18- to 36-month-olds. These games help build attention, working memory and self-control.

In Gymboree toddler classes for children aged 10–28 months, songs, bubbles and parachute games are part of each session, and you join in alongside your child. The activities are planned by child development specialists, so the waiting, turn-taking and stopping and starting come built into the fun. Your toddler gets to practise these moments with you right there, and you'll pick up songs and games to use at home. Our guide to toddler social skills explains how turn-taking grows with age.

"We have just finished the class with Ai. She is great with the kids. Especially very understanding when it comes to handling tantrums and the flow of the classes." — Sobayaniyor S., Google review

Try a class with your toddler

Tantrums are a sign your toddler is still learning, not a sign you're getting it wrong. If you'd like a place where your child can climb, sing and practise waiting their turn with you beside them, book a preview class at The Springs Souk for AED 50. Questions first? WhatsApp us on 050 464 6500.

Sources

1. American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org) — Temper Tantrums
2. ZERO TO THREE — Toddlers and Challenging Behavior: Why They Do It and How to Respond
3. NHS — Temper tantrums
4. University of Rochester Medical Center — Temper Tantrums
5. Harvard Center on the Developing Child — Executive Function Activities for 18- to 36-month-olds

Gymbo is the Gymboree Play & Music mascot and our honorary lead teacher. Gymbo's posts are written with the early childhood educators who lead baby, toddler and preschool classes at Gymboree Play & Music Dubai, The Springs Souk.